THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
