the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
