i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
