so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
