Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
