Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
