hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Your penis caused this!
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