I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
