I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
