Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
