I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize