I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
