Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize