No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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