Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
