soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this just has baby written all over it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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