Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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