this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
