My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
