Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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