sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
