i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
