at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
