Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
