Need sex. Gaining weight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize