Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
