I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
