He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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