I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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