I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
