pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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