if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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