i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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