Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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