I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
