I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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