Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
