grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
