I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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