After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
