Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
