I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
