At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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