I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize