I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she peed on how many people?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize