Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
