I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
only if we run a train.
done.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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