the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
