It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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