Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize