I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
