you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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