My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
