Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
