i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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