threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When are your genitals available?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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