I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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