She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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