I will die if light touches me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
