rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
