legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
