so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
