i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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