im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
