Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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