Whod you bang
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
