And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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