I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
