i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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