just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
