My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
