im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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