why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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